I remember when I first saw the email. It came from our mutual friend and it read, ” X took her life this Friday…” X was a close friend of mine. I remember feeling so numb and in shock my whole being felt detached from my surroundings. After the shock I thought about the conversations I use to have with X, I thought about the pain she shared, and I thought about the cause of it, even what I could have done better. Then I reflected on my life and the years I dealt with pain and brokenness, and the way I looked when I was dealing with it. How did I look? Perfect.
Nothing outside told anyone what I was dealing with, just like nothing outside told the world what X was dealing with, just like I’m willing to bet nothing told the world what Kate Spade was dealing with. I had a great education, had traveled the world, was physically healthy, had good friends, was creative, assertive, and yes even reading my bible…BUT…I had a past I didn’t reconcile properly, rejection I had to address, poor self perceptions I had to face, and inner lies I had to dispel. I know X had her own list, as I know many reading this do too.
Not addressing our list will lead to one thing: The external will be accomplished, but the result will not be fulfilling or enriching and one day, the cracks from the inside will seep the unresolved to the outside. This is what the passing of Kate Spade could teach us and this is why ALVN does not focus on the outside. We may focus on weight gain and loss, we may focus on having a good marriage and healthy relationships, we may focus on having an awesome career and business but it will always be on how the insides should be, so the outside is built well. We will not have all the answers, but we will share what we know…with hope.
So why Kate Spade? Because she had it all on the outside: money, family, fame, a perfect smile, an influencer. But it wasn’t enough. Those things are never meant to be “it.” They are meant to be a little piece embellishing a perfect whole. I have a heaviness thinking about her, and X and the many Xs next door, and the old me. I care because I dealt with an X, I care because I fought and still fight to be whole.
This day as we mourn Kate Spade we take comfort that our mission will bring hope to women that may be in a dark place. We want authenticity, we want healthy women, we want us, together, to be all we can be, accomplishing what is ours to accomplish and to do it well.
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