“Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.”
— Lord Byron
It was late 90s.
We were newly weds in our first home. It was tucked in a subsection of a larger newly built community. Homes on our side of the subdivision maxed at $120,000 – ours was $101,000. It was a simple, no frills home next to a park. Mostly teachers, small entrepreneurs, and non managerial corporate types lived in that section.
What does all this have to do with The Curious Case of Waiting? I’m getting to it.
I had a nice friendship with one of my neighbors, a single lady called Y. One day we were discussing relationships and why she is not in one or even interested in any. She proceeded to tell me a story. This is it.
She had dated a guy for seven years. Every time she discussed marriage he would tell her he wasn’t ready because he wanted to be at a certain level professionally, or have a better financial base. All the reasons he gave were legitimate, except at some point she got tired of waiting. Right at the seven year mark they agreed to take a short break.
It was supposed to be a short, contemplative break (space), not a full blown “I don’t want you in my life,” break. However, in the middle of it she found out from someone else that her man – the one with all the excuses – was getting married. Within the two or three month break he had met a lady and was already planning on marrying her!
I think she actually found out 2 weeks before the wedding.
Sadly, I’ve heard a variation of this tale multiple times, from multiple women.
So it’s back to the Curious Case of Waiting.
Women are usually very hurt and surprised when a man who gave them “valid” reasons to wait ends up marrying a lady he just met. From many years of listening, observing, and being married, I can say this: if a man finds the woman he really wants he will do anything to get and keep her. Simple.
The Hollywood movies about a man sailing the deep seas, crossing the desert, and facing the dragon for a woman he wants and loves might be sappy on the surface, but it holds some truth.
It begs repeating: when a man finds a woman who blows his mind, and without doubt he wants in his life, he will do whatever he can to win her. And that ladies is why he married the other one, not you, very quickly.
So what does this mean?
The question has been asked on reality TV, talk shows, and in real life conversations, “it’s been five years and he still will not commit further. Should I wait?”
Some say yes. Wait until he’s ready, wait until his business is stronger, wait until he has $x in the bank. However, ALVN asks, “Why can’t he build those things with you as his life partner? Why can’t your presence be a thrust or further wind beneath his wings…as a wife?” Food for thought.
So ladies, protect your hearts. Before you get into a relationship, before the emotions take over, have a standard for yourself. Let a man meet you and your standards and attempt to live up to them. Only with your worth intact will you be clear minded enough to walk away, if you need to.
The facts are (and the severity depends on cultures), a man well along in years is still much fair game in the dating space than a female of the same years. So to prevent any waste do not be pulled along once the excuses start. Let him sail the ocean, cross the desert, and slay the dragon for you. And if he can’t he might not be yours.
Another sad fact; you might miss your true man the longer you waste with the one untrue.
Now I’ll go there
Ladies, this helps. Hold back or off with the sex. If a guy is unsure and rife with excuses, why would he rock the boat if he’s getting his needs met? He has the batter, cake, icing, whatever…and eating it too!
I’m a woman of faith so I would advise holiness as written. Your body is precious, but you determine the price tag. Sexual abstinence makes the detachment easier and allows for clearer thinking in cases like this. Just a thought.
So we conclude
The Curious Case of Waiting. This doesn’t have to be you.
Have a great day and thanks for reading!