Change. At some point in all our lives we will come to a place where we feel a pull away from the norm. We will feel uncomfortable, discontent, and in need of something else. If we are not in tune with ourselves we will manifest this painful emotional pull in destruction ways. Those ways are sometimes called “midlife crisis,” manifesting in affairs, depression, divorce, a shutting out of others, or even ill health. For some this pulls happens in their 30s, but for most, it occurs at the clock of 40. You might be there now, wondering why whatever you once held dear, even accepted in your norm, is not quite working anymore. Because I’ve been there, I can talk a little bit about it. What you are likely experiencing is your true self wanting to live.
See, many of us lived or are living our early years for others. Oh we might think we are not, that we are simply doing what everyone else is: going to school, getting a job, marrying, finding friends, raising kids etc. As women, and generally hating confrontation, it worked….for a while. Until we looked on the 40 candles in the cake, and our soul started asking questions, “Is this what I want?” “Is this relationship satisfying?” “Am I really living my purpose?” “How come everyone is happy with me, for them, but i’m not happy with me, for me?”
Then it happens. You scream out, “STOP!” and everyone is shocked! ALVN wants to say, “Hi, nice to finally meet you.” You are at the beginning of a journey and ALVN would like you to understand a few things.
Change is uncomfortable
This new you is going to have to accept that. As you work on discovering what you’ve lost, why you lost it, why you lived for others for so long, you are going to see things about yourself you might not like very much. You are going to find out that you are not quite as healthy as you thought, and there are back issues you need to deal with. That’s part of the process and it could take a while. Let the process work out, don’t rush it. Do the work of change, whether that means reading those books, reconnecting to your faith, taking take alone to process, or I dare say being a bit selfish for a change.
Some friends and family will leave
Okay, this will be the most painful, because you might be tempted to think you were only loved for what you did for others. Indeed, in some cases that is true, but in other cases it’s simply they loved what you gave them…and honestly you didn’t give them you, because you didn’t know you to give. But there are some friends and family that will not accept your change journey and you might have to make a decision to let them go. It’s a great weed pulling time and you will hurt. Those that do love you – after their own sense of loss and push back – will return and love the heck out of you. Please, do understand that they are also grieving the old and cut them some slack in forgiveness.
Your emotions will rebel
Be prepared for this. Women most especially might fall back at this point. You just wouldn’t feel good, and will be tempted to self blame when you see the discomfort your new journey is putting others through. We, for some reason, are people pleasers, and depending on how you swing on the spectrum, the struggle to return will be more or less. Remember, their anger, rage, grief, disappointment, is a journey they have to take in spite of you. They need to ask themselves why they are so angry, and why they can’t let you live. They need to reassess their definition of love. Don’t take their journey upon yourself.
Inner voices will speak
As you walk through the path of discovering yourself all the inner voices that kept you lost will cry out. That is because we are creatures of habit and would rather lie with the devil we know than the angel we don’t. Hang in there. Recognize that if these voices were so great, they wouldn’t have led you to where you are now. Recognize that if you can let the process work out and make the changes needed you will be whole emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically. You will be FREE.
Don’t apologize for wanting to change. Remember you deserve to live your best life today. Remember you were created with gifts and abilities and a personality that deserves to enjoy the life it was given. Remember everyone has their journey and each is responsible for theirs, even the children you raised. Remember that in reality you owe it to your loved ones to find the authentic you, because only then can they choose to truly love you, not an ideal. Remember we all will reach our life end and we all deserve to feel, on our transition, that we lived the life we wanted.
CHANGE IS GOOD. CHANGE IS PAINFUL, BUT CHANGE IS SO NECESSARY. DON’T IGNORE IT’S CALL!!